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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23020336">If I'm Being Honest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/eccentric_not_weird/pseuds/eccentric_not_weird'>eccentric_not_weird</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Background Prinxiety - Freeform, But it's there, Episode: Can LYING Be Good??, Hurt/Comfort, Logic | Logan Sanders Has Feelings, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Post-Episode: Can LYING Be Good??, and i mean REALLY background - Freeform, it's like 4 lines tops, logicality - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:01:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,561</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23020336</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/eccentric_not_weird/pseuds/eccentric_not_weird</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm sorry for taking so long to appear while Deceit pretended to be me." Patton says quietly, and Lord, Logan can't bear to hear his voice right now. "Please don't be angry at me."</p><p>"I'm not angry at you for that."</p><p>"Then what are you angry at me for?"</p><p>"I'm not angry at you."</p><p>"It's okay if you are."</p><p>Logan takes a bite out of his toast. When did Crofters become so sour? Has it gone bad? "No, it's not."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>154</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If I'm Being Honest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There are nights when Logan doesn't sleep. He certainly doesn't do it as much as Roman and Virgil, but from time to time, work piles up, and only pulling an all-nighter can solve it. That's the only reason he isn't sleeping, really. It would be incredibly childish of him to not sleep because of worries. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It's 6am, and Logan is almost giving up. Letters scramble in front of his eyes, until the e-mail he's reading turns into blurred lines. He closes his eyes, resting, just for a second-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A grey cardigan and a blue polo and a wicked smile, that shouldn't be wearing those clothes, shouldn't use that voice-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe coffee will help.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan runs down the stairs the most silently he can. Yes, this will help. He starts to put the powder in the coffee maker, and life seems brighter, in a stupid 6am, no sleep, coffee smelling glow.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton trudges down the stairs, smiling to himself. His hand stops at the end of the stair, patting it once, and Logan's heart does some very weird thing.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Good morning, Lo!" Patton sing-songs.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Good morning, Patton" Logan answers, eyes trained on the coffee maker. "Did you sleep late yesterday?"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton moves to the counter and starts making tea for himself. "Hmm, not really" he mumbles. "We watched Singing In The Rain, but as soon as it was over I was already in my bed, sleeping. You missed a really good movie, you know."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Thomas already saw that movie before" Logan replies, turning to the toaster. Maybe some toast and Crofters will ease the sour taste in his mouth.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Still..." Patton turns Logan around "We missed your company" His hand touches Logan's wrist. And then, in an unbearably soft manner, his other hand comes up and sweetly touches the skin beneath Logan's eyes, darkened due to the lack of sleep. "And you need to rest, Lo." Patton chuckles lightly and sweetly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan thinks he might be having a heart attack.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He steps back quickly, freeing himself from Patton's soft hands. "Yeah. Well. I need to get back to work soon." Patton's face falls, just for a quick nauseating moment, and then he smiles again. Logan pretends not to see it, just as he pretends not to feel Patton's eyes on his back as he stares at the toaster.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe if Logan stares at the toaster intensely enough, his bread will pop out sooner.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A sickly sweet smile, Logan, everyone's favorite character, the wrong cardigan, features that were supposed to be kind and sweet turning sour and sarcastic, I don't know, Thomas, you might not like what you'll find, blue and grey clothes turning yellow and black-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s2">Ping!</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan grabs his toast and spreads Crofters on it, with the careful method of someone who has never been more tense in his entire existence.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His coffee is not ready yet. Shit.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan leans his hip on the balcony and takes a bite out of his toast. Patton seems to have decided to take part in the staring at objects game, because he's now looking truly focused at his kettle.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I'm sorry for taking so long to appear while Deceit pretended to be me." Patton says quietly, and Lord, Logan can't bear to hear his voice right now. "Please don't be angry at me."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I'm not angry at you for that."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Then what are you angry at me for?"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I'm not angry at you."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"It's okay if you are."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan takes a bite out of his toast. When did Crofters become so sour? Has it gone bad? "No, it's not."</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">"Then why are you acting like this?" Patton snaps, looking up. He's not angry or bitter or anything Logan wished he'd be, just horribly sad. "You keep avoiding me, you act like my touch is poisonous, you won't</span> <em> <span class="s2">talk to me-</span> </em> <span class="s1">"</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan's coffee is ready. He puts it in a cup, trying his best to not look at Patton.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I'm- I'm sorry I left you feeling like that, Patton. I'm not angry at you. I swear. I need to. I need to get back to work. Upstairs. In my bedroom. Important work. Goodbye."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan nearly runs out of the kitchen with the cup in his hands. He's not bolting, or truly even running, he's not trying to escape from anything, he just needs to get back to his very important and very urgent work.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He closes the door behind him, nearly spilling his coffee as he slams the cup on his desk.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Paper, and lines, and numbers, and math Logan needs to do, and names he needs to remember, and dates he needs to write down. Logan stares at those little black lines, unable to focus, for a very long time.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He reaches to take a sip of his coffee. It's already cold. The mug is black and blue, with a silly chemistry joke written. Patton gave it to him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s2">Hey, Lo, I have a gift to you.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s2">Oh. Patton. You didn't need to.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s2">It's just- you gave me the sweater, and I thought I could pay you back. It's silly, I know, but I just thought you'd like it. It's not as nice as the thing you gave me.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s2">It's... delightful, Patton. Thank you.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan wants to throw the cup at the wall, scream, toss all these papers and pens on the floor, tear his hair out, do something, something that will make his heart stop hurting so badly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan has just come to the decision that if he kicks something he could just probably fix it in barely a thought, when Roman comes barging into his room.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He slams the door, making Logan look up from those damned numbers he has been staring into without really seeing.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I beg your pardon?"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Me and Virgil came downstairs and we found Patton. Do you know how he was, Logan?"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"You and Virgil came down together?"</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">"Don't change the subject." Roman's yelling, in such a dramatic Roman way. "He was </span> <em> <span class="s2">crying</span> </em> <span class="s1">, Logan."</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan's fists clench in his lap. "He's not- is he- he's-"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Roman seems to struggle between being angry and being sorry. Logan hates the latter more. "You upset him."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan is looking through his window, without any memory of ever getting up and walking towards there.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Look" Roman starts, careful but still clearly angry, "I don't know what's up with you, but I think I kind of know you, and this is about your feelings. So here's my advice: stop being a baby, Logan, deal with your damn feelings, and go apologize to Patton."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Roman leaves, and Logan falls to the floor. He thinks he might be dying, his chest stinging, his breaths coming out uneven. He remembers teaching Virgil about how to deal with panic. It seems so much easier on theory. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When he opens the door to Patton's room, the moral side is sitting on the floor. He's clearly been crying for a long time, and he's clearly on the brink of crying, and Logan doesn't know whether he wants to run away or hug him. He settles on sitting cross-legged in front of Patton. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Did I make you uncomfortable?" Patton's voice is like wet cotton, choked and raw. "Is it a personal space thing? Because if it is you can just tell me I swear I'll stop touching you-"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"It's not a personal space thing."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton buries his face into his arms.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Logan, whatever it is that I did, I'm sorry, if you tell me I swear I won't do it again."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"You didn't do anything wrong" You just smiled at me, Logan thinks, you just smiled at me and suddenly I was an idiot.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When Patton speaks again, his voice is muffled by his arm. "I can't bear to lose someone I love this much, Lo."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan thinks he might throw up.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I- I love you too, Patton. You're the closest friend I have, and I know I'm not easy to bear."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton leans his chin on his arms, something so pure and sweet about that gesture. Logan struggles to not tuck a rogue strand of hair behind Patton's ear. "That's not how I meant it."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan isn't shocked, not really, because he's not an idiot, and Patton isn't the best at hiding his feelings, but he does crawl a little backwards as if he's been burnt.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"You shouldn't."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton stares at him for a while, as if he's trying to decipher a hidden message in Logan's words, but then he just deflated and chuckles, somehow equally sweet and bitter.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Oh, Logan. I'm the Heart. All I know is loving."</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">"That's not true." Logan wonders if he's dreaming, and if this would be a good dream or a nightmare. "The Heart also feels other things. You also </span> <em> <span class="s2">hate</span> </em> <span class="s1">, Patton."</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton looks at him with those shining eyes, reading every part of his soul like it's a giant billboard. "I don't hate you, Lo."</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">"But you </span> <em> <span class="s2">should</span> </em> <span class="s1">-" there's a line of logic here, Logan's sure</span> <span class="s2">, </span> <span class="s1">he has a point he's making, but he has no idea what point it is "I- I have done nothing but being rude and uncaring-"</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">"Lo, you're allowed to be angry. You're allowed to be bitter. </span> <em> <span class="s2">Listen to me</span> </em> <span class="s1">." Logan forces himself to focus on those eyes. "You're forgiven. Me, Thomas, Virgil, Roman, forgive you. We all love you."</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Not in the same way." Logan says, because he can't think of anything else to say.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton laughs. "No, not in the same way." </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He reaches slowly forward, and cups Logan's face. Logan can hear a tiny Virgil in his head yelling "</span> <em> <span class="s2">Flight! Flight! Flight!</span> </em> <span class="s1">" and a tiny Roman saying "</span> <em> <span class="s2">He smells like lavender</span> </em> <span class="s1">".</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Patton, I-"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"If you don't want me to kiss you, say it, and I'll never talk about it again."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"That's not-" Logan huffs, hands falling on his lap. He feels like a child. "That's not the point-"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton's hand falls to Logan's neck, and he starts to straighten Logan's tie. "What is the point, then?"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe it is Patton's room, because Logan can't form a single sentence. Every single drop of logic has left him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After about 30 seconds, Patton's hand adjusts to hold Logan's. This time, Logan doesn't flinch.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"When Deceit showed up, as you..." Logan starts, after opening and closing his mouth 8 times, like a dying fish, "I didn't... realize he was... you know, not you. Virgil did, pretty early, and I- maybe I did notice, and decided to ignore it."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton's thumb starts to rub Logan's hand, and the logical side has to fight back a sob. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">"He was- a cartoonish, almost offensive version of you, and I did... nothing. Because he... he </span> <em> <span class="s2">smiled</span> </em> <span class="s1"> like you do. You have no idea how much that smile destroys me. And he, he was sweet, like you, and he said things you'd say, and I'm sure he knew that you'd say those things and that I'd react the way I did and all of this could have been solved earlier if I hadn't been such an idiot and-"</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He stops abruptly, the room suddenly seeming to silent.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"And?" Patton asks, softly, as if he didn't already know it.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">"And I </span> <em> <span class="s2">hate</span> </em> <span class="s1"> it that someone else knows what I feel. I </span> <span class="s2"><em>hate</em> </span> <span class="s1">that I was manipulated because of what I feel. And I </span> <span class="s2"><em>hate</em> </span> <span class="s1">that I let him pretend he was you because I was too damn narcissistic." This feels like something that should be said in some much more private way, like in a confession to a priest, where the priest can't see his face, not while Patton stares at him with his all-knowing eyes. "I have tried to keep my heart to myself for a very long time, Patton, and you somehow make me show my heart to the entire world."</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton is silent for a while, and then he says:</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">"No one's angry at you about the Deceit thing. I don't blame you for this. You were wrong. </span> <span class="s2">It's <em>alright</em></span> <span class="s1">. You don't have to be right all the time."</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Logan doesn't know how to answer that. A part of him wants to scream that yes, he does need to be right, he's </span> <em> <span class="s2">Logic</span> </em> <span class="s1">, but... the way Patton said it, like it's an universal truth that people are allowed to be wrong sometimes. It's such a Patton thing to say. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"And, Lo, I think keeping your feelings to yourself all the time might be bad for you. Trust me, I hid my feelings a lot. Sometimes it's good to talk about it."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">God, Logan wants to kiss him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I'm sorry," he says instead.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Don't be." Patton says, smiling sweetly. "Let's do this. I'll tell you something in my heart, and you tell me something in yours."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan nods, like a child learning the alphabet.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton leans in and tugs Logan's hair behind his ear. "I love you." It feels so pure, so simple, an offering, that the only thing Logan can answer is:</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I love you too."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton beams. "Can I kiss you?"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Instead, Logan leans in and kisses him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan tries, for some unknown reason, to number the things he's discovering in his head.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">1: Patton not only smells like lavender, but also like lilies.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">2: Patton's lips are chapped, and maybe trembling a bit, and Logan wonders if this taste is of peanut butter.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">3: Patton's hand has moved to hold Logan's tie.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan just gives up numbering after that.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Patton leans away softly, a hand coming up to Logan's face.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Oh, Lo, you're crying."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan's hand comes up to find that, yes, there is water running down his face.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Fascinating."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton chuckles.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Come on, it's probable the room. Let's get you out of here."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton is really smart, Logan thinks.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As soon as they enter the hallway, Logan feels like a weight has left his shoulders. He finds himself able to compose normal sentences again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They sit on the floor again, side by side, hands intertwined. Patton leans his head on Logan's shoulder, and Logan kisses the top of his head instinctively.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"So" Logan says, "What is up with Virgil and Roman?"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton smiles knowingly, like he always does when they gossip. "Oh, I think they both slept at Virgil's room tonight."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan's eyes widen. "Did they-"</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">"Oh, no, not yet. They won't even admit they're in love yet. I don't think they </span> <span class="s2">did</span> <span class="s1"> anything, they just slept in the same room because they enjoy the company."</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Virgil was very flustered when you asked, right?"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"As red as a tomato!" Patton laughs, nudging Logan's shoulder.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan sighs, pretending to be worried. "Oh, if only they could be as in touch with their emotions as I am with mine."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Patton laughs, but some glint of worry was still there. He leans and kisses Logan's cheek, quick and sweet.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I'm not used to being able to do that" He says, smiling.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Logan pulls him closer and kisses his lips.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I'm still not used to being able to do <em>that</em>."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They're immersed in their own bubble, not carefree, but aware that their worries can be solved. Roman and Virgil might walk into the hallway and see them in this odd place, Deceit might have his plans, Thomas can be hurt. But right now they are just sitting next to each other, holding hands, talking, kissing, loving each other, and right now that is enough.</span>
</p><p> </p>
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